The Cleveland Browns emerged victorious from Super Bowl 50, handing the Detroit Lions a humiliating 3-2 loss in the NFL’s championship game.  All of the games scoring took place in the 2nd quarter.

Browns’ head coach Mike Pettine noted that his team’s key to victory was the fact that “the other 30 teams in the league forfeited their season because they didn’t want to miss Puppy Bowl” – Puppy Bowl having far surpassed the Super Bowl in both entertainment value and cultural significance.


MVP Johnny Manzeil “rehydreates” during the 3rd quarter of Super Bowl 50

Super Bowl MVP Johnny Manzeil lead both teams with 3 yards rushing, all of which came when he recovered his own fumble on an attempted kneel-down with under one minute remaining in the 4th quarter.  In his post-game press conference, Manzeil was asked about the significance of the victory for the city of Cleveland and responded by slamming down his King Cobra 40 and screaming “WAZZZUUUUUUUPPP!!!!!” into the microphone.  When asked to expand on that response, the Browns’ QB stated “WAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  He has neither been seen nor heard from since staggering out of the press conference.

Experts predict that neither team will ever win or play in another Super Bowl ever again.